Application for dating my daughter joke

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If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Do not try to call or write since you probably can’t, anyway. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

My father looked at him and goes, im serious. You might watch your back To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Custodes for Dating. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my print girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. A pickup with a mattress in the back. Press On Alan Smyth.

Also please exercise your best judgment when posting in the forums--revealing personal information such as your e-mail address, telephone number, and address is not recommended. A pickup with a mattress in the back? Please answer freely all answers are confidential. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.

- My dad said yessir.

I came across this today and, since I am the father of three girls, decided to make it public for possible suitors to prepare themselves as well as for other fathers who may need it. Note, this is slightly changed from the original version that I received! Below is the text from the form, however, I have created a PDF version of it that is probably more useful. Do you own or have access to a van? A truck with oversized tires? A pickup with a mattress in the back? Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? Please answer freely, all answers are confidential. What do you want to do IF you grow up? What is the current going rate of a hotel room? Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Still, I want to be fair and open-minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a slow, potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway, you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car — there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. HTD Says: Boys — you had better read up! Dads — be sure to get this form! Michael Sheehan Avid technologist, writer, journalist, content marketer, blogger, tech influencer, social media pundit on Twitter , loving husband and father of 3 beautiful girls living in the San Francisco Bay Area. I'm a fan of all technology that is new, exciting and valuable.